am I the bitch?

New update after quite a while...

Situation got better and then it spiralled back to the even worse bullshit. And now I am considered the bitch in this whole scenario. Just a few minutes ago I was told that if it wasn't for me she would go and date that bitch .. she was afraid of losing me even though I told her several times that she can do whatever she wants. Yeah I hate that bitch and in order to not see her I would move out of the flat which my bestie took as "you would never see me again" instead of "even though we will not live together I'll still be in touch and we could see each other if you wanted". But no... And now I'm being yelled at for bullshit that isn't even my fault because if her feelings were so strong as she's saying herself "I don't even care about my family when she's around" then she wouldn't fucking care what or how I feel about it and she would just go for it consequences and all. Now that the bitch took her job, her sanity and her heart with her when she decided my bestie isn't her slave we have a really tense atmosphere at home.y feelings aren't important and I'm replaceable... Great... And still she keeps telling me how she doesn't want to lose me even though she's doing everything to make me leave... But once she feels like she's losing me she starts giving me the least amount of her attention so that I don't feel that inferior. Well guess what? Now I'm the bitch because I can't keep everything bottled up anymore but no one cares... Well I guess I'll just keep everything in again and stop talking my feelings and problems again so that she doesn't have to dea with me. I will just need to find a way to push through being "therapist" for her even though I feel like she's stabbing me with every single fucking word that leaves her mouth because it's always "she this, she that, she was the best, I don't care about anyone else than her" and so on... It FUCKING HURTS!!!

Once again I just wanna disappear from existence... Make it so that we never met each other and she could be doing all the shit she wanted and didn't have to "care" about me. Which she doesn't really. I really think that sue uses me only as an excuse but what do I know right? I wouldn't be surprised if she either didn't let me go home or told me to pack up and get the fuck out of her life for sure... I just need to prepare mentally... Might be better for me to leave even though I'm clinging for dear life on her trying to help her to get out of this and back on track as I don't like being a personal wallet for her anymore. Which she told me yesterday and I quote: "you told me yourself that I don't have to worry about bills" Yeah I did say that but that doesn't mean buying shit you don't need. It means if it comes to worst case I do have some savings and not that you will have fun at my own expense... Gah!!! I'm so frustrated and sad and now she hates me and we still live together. But she is still in far better position than I am because I would have to move out and find a new flat all on my own with at least my cat in case she wanted to keep the bunny, which she probably wouldn't. So yeah, finding new place with two pets all on my own whereas she would stay comfortably in her mom's flat and probably wouldn't have to pay a single penny if she told her that she's jobless and doesn't have money for rent... It's so unfair... I probably should have left when I still had the chance. So right now we're both depressed and on edge and on top of all that I still have to listen to same things about person I hate the most in my life and try to be understanding as if that wasn't hard enough... When I say my opinion about this she bursts in anger and starts yelling at me that I don't know shit about the situation and that I should keep my opinion to myself. How do I fucking make her understand that if she doesn't want my opinion then she better shut her mouth about this matter and leave me out of it.

I just wanna disappear...