childhood
Just today I realized I've been hating myself for my whole life basically. Ever since I was very young I was very much capable of picking myself apart piece by piece telling myself how ugly and unlovable I am. The realisation just hit me out of nowhere as I was sitting in public transport remembering how I came to apply for a new passport and seeing my old photo while giving back the old one. Mind you it stopped being valid about 12 years ago, so it was my child passport. I think I'm like 10 or 11 in that picture and my mind still remembers vividly how I had something on my lips, how stupid my hair looked and how fat I was back then (and still am to this day). It's also not that long ago when I admitted out loud to someone (my bestie) that I hate myself. It was such a heartbreaking moment for me, it was really hard to say out loud to someone else than my reflection in the mirror... she started laughing into my face calling me stupid for thinking such things about myself.....